Many of you know
I've been working on a long writing project for some time now. It's
been written in chunks, oftentimes out of order, usually formatted to
resemble more closely a series of short stories than a cohesive
whole. This summer, however, as I prepare for my final year of grad
school, during which time I intend to complete the long project, I've
been piecing the text together, making cuts, writing and re-writing
scenes, and I've finally reached a place where the text is beginning
to resemble that cohesive whole I've so strongly been wanting.
Well, in honor of
reaching my fiftieth chronological page of edited, decent prose
today, I've decided to post a couple of my old opening sentences with
a little description of why they were cut. I had wanted to post an
entire scene from the cutting room floor, but, alas, those scenes
which I cut were all cut for a reason and my pride would allow no
such concession. In any case, here are three excised opening lines
presented in the order of which I conceived and, subsequently, cut
them:
First there was
heartbreak, then there was nothing; Max Astor was cuckolded at a
young age.
At first the opening
sentence was only the second independent clause, but I take issue
with beginning a piece of writing with a character's name; it seems
chintzy and cheap, the kind of shitty first line bad pulp novels tend
to use. Then I thought I'd adjust it by adding the beginning, and,
haha, look how clever I was by making the first word of the text the
word "First." In any case, this entire scene, three-four
pages of backstory about a character who has since undergone several
name changes and been relegated from protagonist to secondary
character, was cut for obvious reasons. Namely, it was neither
important nor exciting enough to begin such a long text. Snip snip.
“Truth is this:
used to be people needed to justify their melancholy.”
Oh, no, the quote
didn't end there. For some reason I, at one point or another,
thought that beginning my text with a page and a half long monologue
was a good idea. It wasn't. There were no tags to inform the reader
who was speaking, nor were there any setting details to inform the
reader where the speech was taking place. There was, however, a
whole lot stuffing down the reader's throat exactly what I thought
they needed to get out of the scene: lots of telegraphed intentions,
over-explained motives, the like. This scene underwent several
revisions because I didn't feel the setting was strong enough or
exciting enough to entice any reader. So, finally, I axed the whole
thing. Better to trust one's readers to fill in the blanks than to
overwhelm them with information which you think they might not glean
on their own; always err in favor the readers' intelligence.
Julius, can't you
sympathize?
Something else I
take issue with, similar to beginning with character names, is
beginning with a question. I swore to myself that this would never
be my opening sentence, but I grew complacent and, unable to think of
anything better, almost convinced myself it was okay. Thankfully, I
came to my senses. This sentence - a variation of it, at least - is
still present in my opening paragraph, but has since been replaced
with a much better, more fitting opening sentence. Of course, I say
that now, but maybe in a month as I continue editing, it'll end up
appended to this post.
